I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
