I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
