He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
