sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
