I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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