I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize