wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
