Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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