i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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