He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
