look no pants
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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