Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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