I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
