I wish I could teleport
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
