I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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