he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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