i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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