oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
