Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize