I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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