My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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