i barfeds in our rink
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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