So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
