I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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