Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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