i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize