There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
