Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
