We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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