So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
