when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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