I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
