His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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