Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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