they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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