i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
