In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
