You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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