I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
