Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
