YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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