so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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