Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
