Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
