Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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