omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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