just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
