he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
