I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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