I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize