OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
