I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
