Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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