i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
