My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
