My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
