It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
