Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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