I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
