I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
