it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
