So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
