"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
