For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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