I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
