Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Randomize
