i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
