from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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