Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
