why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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