im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
