I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
